For as long as I can remember, my life has been rocky, with many ups and downs. Recently, however, I feel like it has been going down more than it has been going up. Nowadays, I find that waking up in a good mood is harder than it used to be, and going through my days is more difficult. I find myself in a constant state of worry about everything possible: school, jobs, financial stuff, etc. 

It’s especially hard when I get invitations to go somewhere, to hang out with my friends. My worries are amplified and my fears of not being enough overwhelm me. How can I go out with my friends and enjoy it when it seems like I’m burdened by so many worries and anxieties? I begin to overthink. What if they think I’m not as fun as I used to be? What if they don’t want me around anymore because my energy isn’t as high? What if I just bring down everyone’s spirits? The cursed, “what if…”

I usually decline their invitations, my worries triumph over my want to socialize. I feel awful. I want to go out, and yet, at the same time, I don’t want to feel like a burden to those who love me. But they keep reaching out. No matter how many times I decline with some lame excuse, they always seem to want me around. 

At first, I still declined their invitations, again and again and again. My anxieties urged me to just close up my blinds and sleep. I was sleeping a lot, during all times of the day – zero motivation to leave the house or my bed. But recently, there’s this one particular friend who won’t allow me to sleep and I am grateful.  

We met almost 4 years ago, in a chemistry classroom where I was sure he would fail. He surprised me by not only passing but graduating before I did.

From day one, he would always invite me about and do things and for some reason, I always said yes. Maybe it’s because I know I can depend on him when I need someone to talk to. Maybe it’s because he happened to reach out when I needed help the most; I am thankful we crossed paths. We reconnected a year after he left for college and I found that I look forward to my days a little more. Talking to him eases my anxieties and no matter what time of day I need help, he is quick to answer and provide support. I no longer decline invitations to go out. How lucky I am to have a friend like him.