Last week, I picked my daughter up from cheer practice, and as soon as she got in the car, she started sobbing. As the mom of a tween, I often don’t know if she wants space when she’s upset, or if she wants to vent, or if she needs advice. And if I choose the wrong solution? It makes everything 10x worse. But this time, as we’re driving home, I choose to ask her what’s wrong. 

“Coach put me in this new position in our group. I was base and I have never done that before. I really didn’t feel comfortable, but he told me that I had to learn all the positions. And I was so nervous, I told him that I couldn’t do it – I didn’t want to drop our flyer – and then he lectured me in front of everyone about how we can’t say the word “can’t” in the gym. And this was in front of everyone, and then…”

One of the hardest things about being a parent, at least for me, is seeing your child also struggle with something that YOU struggle with. Anxiety was something I never meant to pass down to her, but we both unfortunately struggle with anxious thoughts and anxious feelings on a regular basis. This new situation, with everyone watching, and the pressure of wanting to do it correctly and not injure someone – probably brought on a huge wave of anxiety.

She has recently had many stressful life situations, including moving, becoming part of a blended family, and starting at a brand new school, where she didn’t know anyone. All of these separate, stressful life situations probably had been building up inside of her, and cheer practice was her breaking point. 

My friend Yasmine is a psychiatric nurse practitioner specializing in child and adolescent psychiatry here in St. Louis, and mental health tends to be a topic we chat about whenever we get together. She recently recommended a book to me that she had also started reading: The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness. The author, Jonathan Haidt, is a social psychologist. This had been on my TBR list, but after the ride home from cheer practice, I downloaded it to my Kindle. I am still at the beginning of the book, but he has already started to explain the “why” behind increased depression and anxiety in adolescents. The book description on Amazon says that he provides clear steps for parents to help “end the epidemic of mental illness and restore a more humane childhood”. I’m hopeful that some of his tips are ones that I will actually be able to use right away. I want to help my daughter learn how to better cope with her anxiety, and maybe the tips might even help me cope with my own!